Change in many forms....

So I'm finally getting back to my blog. And I thought my last hiatus was bad! But one of my New Year's Resolutions is to write in my blog at least three times a week now. I don't expect to write anything big or long or intellectually intoxicating but I do want to use this to remember sweet, funny, and even spiritual moments/thoughts that I would want to remember for the rest of my life. So here's to more frequent posts!

Since my last post, so much has changed in my life. So much, in fact, that I believe the entire course of my life has shifted.

Pres. Monson announced the age change for missionaries. Girls can now serve at the age of 19. That announcement was made during the first session of the October 2012 General Conference, the week of my 19th birthday. I had my interview that Wednesday on my birthday. At first, I wanted to turn in my papers immediately and leave the following January after finishing out fall semester. But after a lot of unexpected events with my family and watching a few close friends try and fail to sell their winter contracts, I decided that even though I didn't want to, it would be okay. I would leave after I finished out the school year and my housing contract. And once my family was finally settled.

On top of that, I lost an organ. I got to know and LOVE my roommates. I got a new job that I actually enjoy a lot even though it's still at 8am. My family moved AGAIN. I finally started my mission papers, and in a little over a month, I will know where I will be serving the Lord. I had my first active missionary experience, and it actually worked and is still in progress. I got my first C. Need some humble pie? I got a whole, freaking bakery. Still, it was a pretty good semester.

And that is fall in a nutshell.

Been Hangin With My Homies

So it's been an even longer break than my last big hiatus. To rectify this wrong, I will have to split this HUGE update among a few posts. And since I like to assume no one is wasting their time reading my blog, I don't care. It's a way for me to keep a journal and occupy my free time since right now, I have TONS of it!

Okay. Last post I was getting ready to fly back to Italy to see my family. My dad was stationed in Vicenza, an hour drive east of Venice, and we lived in a small farming village several miles away from the military post.  Well, I got back, and it was fantastic. I was so glad to be back with my family. Six and a half months was way too long, but sometimes things just are the way they are. Either way, I returned to an empty house. We just moved to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, and it takes about three months for shipments to travel that far, so our stuff was packed and shipped back by mid-June. I was not the only one living out of a suitcase this summer. However, instead of lounging around our barren house, we spent hours at the pool and the beach. The pool was nothing new. The veteran lifeguards know us well from the last couple swim team seasons, but we give the new ones ulcers. Surprised our five year olds can swim? Get over it. We did go to Lake Garda a few times. The water is warm and clear, and the people watching is fascinating. (See the picture...) All things considered, Lake Garda is definitely one of my favorite spots in the entire world.

Photo credit: me.

We eventually packed up completely and moved into the post hotel where we drove the staff and other residents up the wall. Ten days later, we said our farewells and left the hotel at 4am the morning of 24 July. We flew to Amsterdam, Netherlands; then Mt. Kilomanjaro, Kenya; and finally to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. We got to our house around 11pm that night. And it is amazing. Our front room's walls are made of coral, we have three balconies, and there are seven bathrooms! Perfect for a family of 16. There's a 10ft spiked wall around our entire property which includes three mango trees, two coconut palms, and a banana tree. Home grown coconut is amazing. Can't wait for the mangoes to come in season. Hopefully the family can send me some. Now that would be the ultimate care package.

Also, I realized something random: Africa smells like spicy food and sweaty people. Africa has a really distinct smell, and I finally figured it out! Spicy food and sweaty people.

We hired a chef as soon as we could. Now, this makes us sound uppity, but it's kind of necessary. A high salary for them is $10 a day, and we would get ripped off at the market since we're big white people. Also, the food is so different. My kitchen skills are pretty decent, but I do NOT know how to prepare a whole chicken, as in just killed still sporting feathers. Also, we don't have a dishwasher. Hand washing dishes for 16 people three times a day is incredibly time consuming. And boring. I had to do it several times, so I speak from experience. Long story short, we hired a cook and our house is amazing. So is our cook's food. I think I miss him more than I should... We also hired a couple gardeners: one because he knows what he's doing and he cleans our house, and the other because he needs a job to feed his family and we can give him one.

NOTICE: I'm too lazy right now to post all the awesome pictures I got to take there right now. But you can check em on my facebook. Cause once upon a time, I was not too lazy to post pictures.

Anyway, Italy was way cool, but Tanzania is home now, and I love it. I'm back in Provo, but there's nothing quite like Africa and just being back in the States helps me to realize that a special place in my heart will always belong to Africa, the people, the landscape, the art, the culture, the food, and even the crazy languages. As ironic as it is for a rich mzungu (white person) to say, I will always feel like I belong there.

Trials and Temptation

I've learned a lot about trials recently, and I'm so glad I have because I'm really going through a hard time in my life right now:

I bought my dad fudge from the BYU Bookstore, and I can't eat it!!! It look so good, and I chose the flavors that looked the most delicious, and now it's just sitting at the end of my bed in this beautiful white box with a perfect gold bow. But I can't touch the fudge. I can't even look at the fudge. At least, I know I shouldn't because then I'll want to taste a piece which will turn into a bigger piece with will turn into half the box which will turn into the entire box. (Why the heck would I want to give my dad HALF a box of fudge anyway?! I would just be fixing a problem at that point.) Well, that's the biggest trial in my life right now: Trying not to be a horrible daughter by eating my dad's Fathers' Day gift.

"This is who I REALLY am." Are you sure?

Growing up and preparing to go into the BIG world, I was often told that my first year of college would be really important because that's when I would really begin to become myself. I would be able to define who I really am because I would be on my own, making my own decisions and away from any previous influence. I actually do feel that I discovered myself here. I'm two weeks away from the end of my first year, and I know that I'm a very different person than the lost, insecure girl that showed up in August. To me, it's actually kind of funny. I used to be such a stickler, a goody goody who people were usually friends with only because I would help them with their homework. Well, now I just think I'm cool. I'm not the smart girl or that girl with the huge family. I'm Sarah. I can't be labeled! But still, do I really know who I am? Can any of us know who we really are?

In my American humanities class this week, we were reading Emerson, and Emerson doesn't believe that we can truly know who we are because there's always too much change, too much going on around us for us to be able to focus enough on ourselves to really know who we are. That's just part of our earthly experience. We're very physical beings. When we were sent to Earth by our loving Heavenly Father, He gave us the privilege of having a mortal body. We are blessed with touch, sight, taste, sensation, activity, and the ability to express love among many other capacities. Without a mortal body, we couldn't do any of these things, but some of these things we literally have no control over. We can't make ourselves stop seeing (unless you want to pull an Oedipus and blind yourself), and we can't make ourselves stop physically feeling and experiencing. Because of this, we are very aware of our surroundings physically, and it's completely impossible to cut yourself off from the physical world in order to direct all of your attention on your non-physical self.

How many times have we said, "This is who I really am"? I know I've said it many times. At dances, at church, at school, with my family, with my friends, with my insane friends, and that's just the beginning of the list. It's a given that most of us gage our behavior on our surroundings, so if we're always changing to suit our surroundings, who are we really? Is there a certain environment where we are truly ourselves? Are there specific people you're your true self with? At school, I'm serious and down to business, but I'm not a serious person. With my insane friends, I know I seem crazy and ofttimes shallow, but I don't think I'm a shallow person. With my family, it really depends on who's there. With a family my size, I can seriously say that. If I'm in charge, I'm not going to be my spunky, funny self. I'm going to be down to business and "Let's get this show on the road" and "Don't burn down the house, or I'll kill you". (I'm sure a few of my siblings would like to leave that open for debate....)

It's absolutely intriguing. Are we ever able to really discover who we truly are? There's too much change for us to ever stop changing. No matter what age you are, if your environment is changing and the people around you are developing, you are, too. But that's the beauty of the human personality. We're so complex and intricately designed that we can't even understand ourselves. We have the incredible ability to continue developing and improving our entire lives. I think it's just another manifestation that we really are created in the image of our Heavenly Father. Who else could be so beautiful and magnificent?

Three Day Weekends Kill

Three-day weekends are awesome. Always. But they absolutely kill all motivation and prioritizing skills. Friday, I spent all afternoon swimming and watching movies. Saturday, I took a test and went to a concert cause I absolutely HAD to. Sunday, talked to the family, went to church, got home taught by my new home teachers (and, girl, they are FINE), and led my first ward prayer! (BEST day of the week, hands down.) Monday, hiked Squaw Peak (8.3mi), swimming, movie, FHE, more swimming. Today, I went to work. Then I'm supposed to go to campus. I didn't. I'm such a rebel. I came home and went swimming.  I'll head to campus soon for my class, but, during the summer, classrooms are for nerds and prisoners, and I am no prisoner! (Jury's still out about the nerd thing.) I am a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants. And right now, I want sun and swimming. Good-looking men, always. I have two more weeks of class and then finals, but I just don't know if I'll be able to hold on that long! The life of the long-suffering student is just too hard! All I know is that when I go home in 17 DAYS, I'm gonna be sunburned to a crisp or tanned to a hot babe. But I'm already a hot babe, so I guess since I'm going to burn anyway...

Squaw Peak, that ridiculous 8.3mi hike. But the view was amazing!

Just some morbid thoughts...

I haven't posted in two entire weeks! Well, that's soon to be rectified.

Anyways, I decided a few weeks ago, I need to write my will and testament. I don't plan on dying any time soon, but I have a decent amount in the bank and everything humanly possible should be done to avoid contention among my family members since there's plenty there already. (I would know. We're related.) Unfortunately, this is not my will and testament. That's still in the works. But on the subjects of death and legacy, I came up with a new bucket list!  The items on my old bucket list were either ridiculously petty or completely impossible. Soooo my bucket list:

1. Lead a legitimate protest.

2. Own and run my own burger place.

3. Participate in a free hugs campaign.

4. Spend a day on one of the Caribbean Islands.

5. Learn the entire Single Ladies dance.

6. Found my own humanitarian organization.
7. Work in a floral shop.

8. Attend the rugby nationals.
9. Compete on a game show, preferably Jeopardy!

10. Set foot on every continent, except Antarctica cause even I have limits.

11. Learn Nicki Minaj's rap from Super Bass.

12. Star in a youtube video that goes viral.

13. See a famous music artist/group live. (I've never been to a concert...)
14. Have my own wireless internet and name it "Potiphar's Wifi".

15. Own my own pickup truck.

There are other more serious and practical things I'd like to do in my life, like go on a mission (There's no question: I'm going.) and study abroad (hopefully in London next spring!) and other awesome stuff like that, but these are my dreams. And that's all I got!

The Underbelly of the Sweet Life

Well, I figure I could probably post something about my life instead of just my thoughts and opinions about certain EPIC action movies... So, here goes!

Three weeks ago, I moved! I'm living south of campus now, and it's farther from my work but closer to campus. I really like my complex. Everyone's friendly, and my ward seems pretty awesome so far. Maybe my wardies just give really good first impressions...  But I do have to say something: I heard that it's impossible to get guy friends once you're out of the freshmen wards because then all the guys are RMs, and they only date on the weekends, and they never want to hang out blah blah blah... Well, for all those people who say that BYU guys are always dating, I have yet to see proof. Either way, I need guy friends. No offence, ladies, but I grew up with six brothers AND seven sisters. I can't deal with the estrogen high. On a scale of 1 to 10, my interest in girly things (chick flicks, shopping, etc.) is about a 3.5. I'd rather watch Ironman or Taken over the Notebook any day of the week. I hate Titanic. And there I go getting on every girl's black list from here to the Atlantic. Pity.

Anyways, those boys can't go hiding behind their church shirts any longer. They're not going on dates every weekend, so it's time to get things rolling. People around here just need to get some guts and plan something randomly awesome. I will be one of those people, but in the mean time....

I joined the intramural ultimate frisbee team. I just need to get out of the house! Yeah...I've hated on ultimate most of my life. Like my entire life. Wo wo wo unto the hypocrite. It didn't help that every single youth leader who was BYU alumni made it a monthly mutual activity, usually in the dark. And it didn't help that I had the physical stamina of Cee Lo.

But in the last eight months, I've lost 40 pounds, and I love sports now! I don't feel stupid because I'm actually pretty decent. I guess I didn't like them before because I couldn't keep up. Now, when we have a game, no matter the sport, other people ask for a water break or are ready to quit when the game ends, but not me! I can keep going. That's what regular exercise and healthy meals can do. Walking 3mi a day probably helped a ton. I'm a Spartan! And an awesome soccer goalie by the way. My 6 year old soccer skills are resurfacing! Oh yeah! As for my ultimate frisbee skills.... Like the Kraken, they are dormant, hopefully soon to be awakened.

I can't believe there's only a little more than a month left in the spring semester! I thought it would last forever, but I'm almost halfway through, and I still feel like I have so many people to meet and causes to fight for before June 15 WHEN I FLY BACK TO ITALY!!!!!! In case I forgot to mention, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY FAMILY!!! I know I will regret saying that 15 min after getting into our van at the airport, but right now, there's no one else I'd rather see. Except a single BYU rugby player at my door. One of those is ALWAYS welcome.

The Avengers

I saw the Avengers. And was blown away. The word 'epic' was created in preparation for the Avengers. The Avengers is the most incredible movie I have ever seen in theaters. Including Harry Potter 7 Part 2. Call me a hypocrite, but the Avengers is better. It's got everything: real humor, romantic tension, action, sacrifice, inner conflict, resolution, some of the most witty dialogue ever, and an epic battle that destroys New York City.

Nick Fury: There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight battles that we never could.

Mark Ruffalo plays an older, more optimistic Bruce Banner, which is a refreshing change. In the most recent Hulk movie, it just seemed like the guy wanted a pity party the whole time. He probably deserved it, but I wasn't about to bring the dip. He was depressing. After Natasha convinces him to come out of hiding, Bruce Banner is willing and able to work with the Avengers. His personality is just endearing. He's wise and conscious of his decisions and their consequences, unlike many of the other, younger Avengers. The most intriguing element of his character is its bipolarity. Bruce Banner is so calm and relatively happy. The Hulk... I don't think I need to finish that sentence. Anyways, one of the best characters in the movie.

Tony Stark: Let's do a headcount: Your brother, the demigod; a super-soldier, a living legend who actually lives up to the legend; a man with breathtaking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins; and you've managed to piss off every single one of us.
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony Stark: Not a great plan.When they come, and they will, they'll come for you.
Loki: I have an army.
Tony Stark: We have a hulk. 

Iron Man/Tony Stark is amazing in this movie. The desperation of the situation reveals a facet of his personality that goes a little deeper than himself. He actually demonstrates compassion and selflessness. (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) He's actually willing to sacrifice himself to save others. Even so, he's still Tony Stark, snarky and quick. And poor Captain America just can't keep up.

Captain America: Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

Captain America/Steve Rogers is a complete fish out of water. Out of his time and the military, he really doesn't have a clue. Having no sense of humor whatsoever doesn't help much either. In action, he's incredible, but, other than that, the poor guy needs a lot of help personality-wise. He's so serious!!!!! It drives me nuts! Bruce Banner, Thor, Tony Stark, and even Natasha have a little snark or some humor or something that gives them a little spark. Captain America is incredible, but he just doesn't have that spark.

Captain America: Is everything a joke to you?
Tony Stark: Funny things are!

Thor's confidence is just down-right awesome, as in awe-inspiring. He knows what he's doing, and he grew so much in Thor that his role as a wise, experienced leader is indisputable. One of the most tender points of the movie is when he's discussing Jane Foster's safety with Nick Fury. He's so obviously concerned for her, yet he is willing to put aside his personal desires for what must be done. Even so, his tenderness is reserved only for Jane Foster, and his confidence causes a few little problems, the most awesome of which is (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) the battle between Iron Man and Thor. Captain America eventually intervenes, but the whole fight is just incredible! It really demonstrates how much power is held by the Avengers.

Thor: Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and my brother!
Natasha: He killed 80 people in two days.
Thor: ...He's adopted.

Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff is a boss! She's so hardcore, and dang! She get's things done! The control and power she has is amazing. And she doesn't even have superpowers or extreme technology. Also, unlike many of her fellow avengers, she has advantages in noncombat areas. She's a trained spy, and she uses her skills, and her skills are incredible. A quick side note: Her first scene is one of the best in the movie.

Natasha to Hawkeye: This is nothing we were ever trained for...

Hawkeye/Clint Barton is a beast. That's all. He makes an appearance in Thor, but he went uncredited because his role was so small. Anyways, like Natasha, he's a trained spy/mercenary. He has no superpowers or super technology. He uses a bow and arrows, which is so unexpected, but it has it's advantages. It's so refreshingly unique that it has its own sort of appeal. The way he works is so different compared to most "heroes" because his weapon of choice is so different. Perhaps the most fascinating point of his character is (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) that he switches sides during the movie. This is not done through his own choice. He is ... compromised by Loki. But Natasha pulls out her mad skills and saves his mind. Hawkeye is just ridiculously hardcore. See and you will understand. Putting aside the fact that he's a ruthless mercenary, we could have something. ;)

Captain America: You think you can hold them off?
Hawkeye: Captain, it would be my genuine pleasure.

Loki's a hardcore villain. However, he doesn't look like one. He's a good-looking guy, and in Thor, in a few short scenes, we saw his soft side. Nevertheless, his horrendous acts and choices as a self-proclaimed conqueror and ruler completely cancels out this kindness and deepens his character all the more. Even so, one of the high points of the movie has to be (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) when he's trying to insult the Hulk. Loki just gets what coming to him. Funniest part of the movie, hands down.

Iron Man to Loki: There is no throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top! Maybe your army will come, maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you! Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be sure we'll avenge it!

And just because it's possibly the best quote in the whole movie:

Iron Man to Hawkeye: Let's go, Legolas.

I looked in the mirror today...

I looked in the mirror today. I didn't see what I expected to see. No, I didn't have an especially bad case of chickenpox or shiny nose. The fact is, I'm different. A year ago, I was in no way near the person I am today. So many factors have contributed to this that I don't know where to start. A year ago, I was struggling to finish my senior year without succumbing to senioritis. I was unsure of myself; I didn't feel confident in decisions I made without input from my parents. Chronically self conscious, I know I didn't love myself like I do now.

So much has happened in the past year. I graduated. (Thank heaven.) I planned and had international adventures with my mother and siblings while my dad was deployed. I moved into two apartments by myself. I made hundreds of new friends and not just on Facebook. I actually had a calling in Relief Society before I even turned 18. I got hired! I finished a year of college. I stayed hired! I had my trials. I lost friends. I was left behind. I got hurt. But that isn't the point. I'm not sorry for anything. Everything I experienced has turned me into who I am today. Most importantly, it helped me grow closer to my Heavenly Father.

An essential part of being independent is realizing that you can't do anything alone. We rely on the grace of our Heavenly Father for everything. He blessed us with life and there is no possible way we can get through this refining journey without His comfort and guidance. I know that in both my most wonderful and my most difficult moments, He was always beside me. He is beside me now.

Today, I looked in the mirror and saw a strong, smart, beautiful, confident, independent daughter of God. I don't mind if no one else sees me that way. In fact, I know many don't. I don't say those things to be cocky or prideful. My point is that it is important that I see myself that way and KNOW that this is how my Heavenly Father has always seen me.

This personal epiphany brought me another realization. Heavenly Father sees everyone this way. Everyone has beauty. Even the weakest of us has strength. Every one of us was given specific gifts by our Heavenly Father. Part of our job on earth is to recognize and exemplify those gifts in the service of others. Moreover, we need to strive to see each other in this divine light. Only then can we understand the pure love of Christ, which is unconditional and all-encompassing. In Les Miserables, Victor Hugo's protagonist Jean Valjean says, "To love another person is to see the face of God." When we fully understand our worth in Heavenly Father's eyes, we are able to see others as He does. When we see others as He does, our love for Him is magnified as we realize that although we are nothing compared to Him, we are everything to Him.

Birth of "The Original Sarah"

In the last few days, I've read so many people's inspiring, funny, thought-provoking, and just downright uplifting blogs. I don't expect mine to be any of those things, but I figured I might as well give it a shot. Right now, I have no life. I just moved into a new apartment, and I don't know a soul. Somehow people know who I am, which is a little creepy, but I don't know who they are. And my classes are easy! Gah! What am I going to do?! No homework? No social life? To top it off, I discovered Psych. That's dangerous. I get up, I go to work, I go to class, I workout, I come home, I watch Psych, I go to bed. Anyone who knows me knows that eating goes in there without saying. Anyways, I came to the conclusion that I can't live like this. My brain is melting. I'm thinking in Psych quotes. I have no one to listen to my sarcastic jokes or my pointless rants. Solution: Get friends. Evaluation: Not possible at this given time considering I am once again the dorky new kid. Second solution: Get a hobby. Evaluation: No inspiration. I get bored too easily with too many things. This is worth a shot. And I like talking and being on my computer. This is a fabulous combination.

Secondly, I call this "The Original Sarah" because in my first singles ward, there were six of us. Sarahs, I mean. It was confusing to say the least. Also, I've met enough Sarahs in my life to make anyone's head spin. I was best friends with one in the 3rd grade! We both even had h's. Crazy. Either way, after my many observations, I have come to the conclusion that I AM THE ORIGINAL SARAH! All other Sarahs are merely knock-offs attempting to imitate my awesomeness. (If your name is Sarah and you're offended, I don't care.)

Well, that's all I can think of. Essentially, starting this blog was just another distraction keeping me from going to bed at a decent time. But I actually think something may come of this. At least, I hope something does, and I don't end up dropping it. Like quilting. And Gone with the Wind. And unpacking my stuff... My poor roommates...