"This is who I REALLY am." Are you sure?

Growing up and preparing to go into the BIG world, I was often told that my first year of college would be really important because that's when I would really begin to become myself. I would be able to define who I really am because I would be on my own, making my own decisions and away from any previous influence. I actually do feel that I discovered myself here. I'm two weeks away from the end of my first year, and I know that I'm a very different person than the lost, insecure girl that showed up in August. To me, it's actually kind of funny. I used to be such a stickler, a goody goody who people were usually friends with only because I would help them with their homework. Well, now I just think I'm cool. I'm not the smart girl or that girl with the huge family. I'm Sarah. I can't be labeled! But still, do I really know who I am? Can any of us know who we really are?

In my American humanities class this week, we were reading Emerson, and Emerson doesn't believe that we can truly know who we are because there's always too much change, too much going on around us for us to be able to focus enough on ourselves to really know who we are. That's just part of our earthly experience. We're very physical beings. When we were sent to Earth by our loving Heavenly Father, He gave us the privilege of having a mortal body. We are blessed with touch, sight, taste, sensation, activity, and the ability to express love among many other capacities. Without a mortal body, we couldn't do any of these things, but some of these things we literally have no control over. We can't make ourselves stop seeing (unless you want to pull an Oedipus and blind yourself), and we can't make ourselves stop physically feeling and experiencing. Because of this, we are very aware of our surroundings physically, and it's completely impossible to cut yourself off from the physical world in order to direct all of your attention on your non-physical self.

How many times have we said, "This is who I really am"? I know I've said it many times. At dances, at church, at school, with my family, with my friends, with my insane friends, and that's just the beginning of the list. It's a given that most of us gage our behavior on our surroundings, so if we're always changing to suit our surroundings, who are we really? Is there a certain environment where we are truly ourselves? Are there specific people you're your true self with? At school, I'm serious and down to business, but I'm not a serious person. With my insane friends, I know I seem crazy and ofttimes shallow, but I don't think I'm a shallow person. With my family, it really depends on who's there. With a family my size, I can seriously say that. If I'm in charge, I'm not going to be my spunky, funny self. I'm going to be down to business and "Let's get this show on the road" and "Don't burn down the house, or I'll kill you". (I'm sure a few of my siblings would like to leave that open for debate....)

It's absolutely intriguing. Are we ever able to really discover who we truly are? There's too much change for us to ever stop changing. No matter what age you are, if your environment is changing and the people around you are developing, you are, too. But that's the beauty of the human personality. We're so complex and intricately designed that we can't even understand ourselves. We have the incredible ability to continue developing and improving our entire lives. I think it's just another manifestation that we really are created in the image of our Heavenly Father. Who else could be so beautiful and magnificent?